Journal Entry 23 – The sun in my day, the wind in my sky, the waves in my ocean and the beat in my heart.

Fast asleep embracing him in my arms, my left hand in his, I felt a slight tap on my shoulder.

“Faris?” I said and I instantly sprung up from the bed.

“No dear, it’s just me” the nurse said.

“His family is outside talking to the doctor, they’re walking in soon, they’re here to see him”

“Oh ok, thanks. I’ll get up” I said, put my flip flops and sat on the chair beside his bed.

Seconds later, his mother and aunties walked in. After saying hello to them all I reached the last person beside the door, his mother. I looked at her and saw the tears that lingered at the bottom of her eye. Her eyes full of sorrow and grief. I knew words were not what she needed, all she needed was a hug. So I enveloped her into my arms and gave her the biggest hug I’ve ever given before.

“7abeebti intai” she whispered into my ear.

After spending the rest of the morning and afternoon in a room full of people, fake smiles, fake tears, fake hellos and fake goodbyes. As soon as night fell and the sound of mosque outside calling the Maghreb prayer, the people started leaving, all of them left except his mother.

“Dana why don’t you go home 7abeebti?” she looked at me as she put her hand on my shoulder and slightly squeezed it.

“I can’t Khalty, I can’t leave him”

“Dana even I don’t stay with him as much as you do”

“But Khalty, I just can’t leave. Even if I do go home, I know I’ll come straight back”

“Why don’t you go home and get some sleep sweetheart?”

“I can’t sleep unless I’m here, unless I know he’s okay. If that machine stops beating, then so will I”

“Whatever helps you sleep better” she replied, I walked her out of the room and kissed her forehead and said our goodbyes. Once again we were alone.

“Finally huh?” I said as I took my flip flops off again, sat down on my chair and put my feet up on the bed.

“I was getting sick of kissing all those people, let’s finish our book okay?” I picked up the book and opened it up at page 129 and started reading.

I spotted his toe move out of the corner of my eye. Looked up at his eyes that were closed. I shrugged it off and continued to read to him. Seconds later I saw his fingers move, I was certain of it, I knew I wasn’t hallucinating.

“FARIS!” I loudly exclaimed.

His eyes were troubled, full of fear, I’m sure he was scared to his core, I would be too, he couldn’t speak with the tube in his mouth.

“I’ll… I’ll… I’ll go get the nurse” I stammered as I rolled off the bed and ran to the nurses station bare foot.

“He’s… Awake” I managed to say.

The nurses all scurried to the room as I put my hands on my face and wept tears of joy. Seconds later they walked back out of the room, all looking dismayed.

“What? What’s wrong?” I shouted.

“He isn’t awake dear”

“What do you mean he isn’t awake? I saw his hand move, I saw him, he opened his eyes”

“You must have been imagining dear”

“I’m not delusional! I’m not crazy! Come, look at his hand, he’ll move it just wait”

So we stood and watched him in silence for about 4 minutes, but he didn’t move.

“Faris, wake up, do it. Move your finger like you did when I was reading to you”

The nurses sighed and turned their back to leave the room. As soon as they did he moved his finger.

“LOOK! LOOK! He moved his finger!” They all turned around just in time to see him open his eyes. I left the room, cleared my throat and dialed his mothers number.

“Khalty, Faris… Faris is awake” I ended the phone call as quickly as possible and walked back into his room, I sat beside him and dried my tears.

“You’re gonna be okay, you’re gonna be better, better than before. I know it’s going to be difficult to talk, I’m sure your throat hurts. Do you want some water? Are you cold? Do you want me to cover you? Are you in pain?” I rambled on aimlessly.

“Shhh” he said as he brought his index finger up to my lips. I broke into a pool of tears as I brought both my hands up and held his wrist.

“Don’t ever do that to me again” I bawled. “Don’t ever leave me Faris, don’t ever close your eyes again” I sobbed and sobbed.

“Shhh” he said once again and pulled me towards him as I nestled my head on his shoulder. “I love you” he said, differently to the way he’s ever said it before. I finally knew what he meant, it wasn’t just an ‘I love you’ it was ‘I LOVE you’

“I love you too, I love you more” I continued to cry and put my arm around his waist.

“Faris I’m so sorry I never knew. I’m so sorry Faris, please forgive me. I love you, I love you, I love you” I kept repeating those three words, but they never lost their meaning, not like when you say a word long enough till it becomes a sound. It wasn’t a sound, it was three words that had my entire life and soul in them.

“I love you” he replied.

That was it, this is it. It was finally happening, my life long quest to find real love was finally true. I finally had my knight in shining armor.فارس أحلامي

Picture: Taken by Aisha Al Saif

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