Journal Entry 13 – Some place only we both know.

I take a deep breath and look down at the hospital bed that I had lived through the best journey of my life in. I packed my things up and let out a sigh as I heard the chatter and bustle of the world around me. In the hall way I heard the buzz of the hospital nurses running back and forth and the constant beeping of the machines through the cheap plywood walls; the loud honking coming from my window, the metal bars that held me prisoner in this room.

Journal Entry 12 – Within you… Without you…

I lay on the uncomfortable hospital bed that screeched and groaned with every move I made. I tossed and turned, I wanted to fall asleep, namely to dream of Rakan; but there was no seeing it. There was no Rakan and I had to acknowledge the fact that he didn’t exist. I had to come face to face with the unchangeable concrete reality, but I didn’t want to.

Journal Entry 11 – My heart is like a jigsaw puzzle, pick it up and fix it for me.

I never tried to commit suicide.
I never drove to the chalet that night.
My father never got terminal cancer.
I never came back from New York because I never went back, because I never failed.
I never ordered won ton soup or noodles, Rakan never met Chuck.
I never went for breakfast with him.
I never ate those omelette’s.
I never spent days on end talking to him.
I never looked into his beautiful black eyes.
I never ran my fingers through his hair.
I never met his mother in the bathroom of Sheraton hotel.
He never winked at me in the ball room.
He never begged me to stay in Kuwait.
He never saved my life.
He never came to visit me in New York…

I never told him I loved him.

He never existed.

Journal Entry 10 – In a manner of speaking semantics won’t do.

The water was peculiarly cold for a warm August morning and I was already almost half way in.
I startlingly turned around I had no idea Rakan was behind me watching me walk into the sea. The fright caused me to fall into the water pulling him down with me.

Journal Entry 9 – Home is where the heart is.

It was a scorching august morning, the blazing sun beat through my open sun roof.
There were only two things I enjoyed doing now a days. Driving – and driving, it was therapeutic, it helped me think and clear my head. I put one hand on the steering wheel and the other one I used to prop my lopsided head up. The road ahead of me was long and stretched into the horizon almost as if it were never ending.

Journal Entry 8 – I’ll do anything to keep you, I’ll clean my room, try hard in school…

I walked towards the living room, feeling the cream wallpapered walls as I walked across the narrow hallway. Inaudible voices came from the living room, they grew more distinct the closer I got. I managed to distinguish Fahad’s voice from the chatter and I smiled to myself, my heart began to skip not only one beat but a string of beats that I had to catch my breath.

Journal Entry 7 – This constant compromise between thinking & breathing.

So you probably thought I would stay, let Rakan sweep me off my feet and lead me to that castle in the sky that people like to call “Love” but no, I left.

Journal Entry 5+6

Dana
Thanks I guess…

Rakan
You’re not too good at accepting compliments.

Rakan
This wedding is beyond boring.

Dana
I wouldn’t know, I escaped to the bathroom.

Journal Entry 3+4

My eyes scrolled down the page and they landed on a big fat F written in red. My excitement had died. I sat back down in my chair still soaking in the information I just saw. Fahad just sat across the table and stared at me.

Journal Entry 2

“Sorry… Did I give you a fright?”
I let out a shy giggle “Yes actually you did”
“I’m sorry”
“It’s okay”
“I just wanted to ask what university you went to… You look familiar”
“If I saw you before I would be certain of it, how could I not have noticed such an angelic face?”

Journal Entry 1 – It’s a word that describes Valentines Day and rhymes with Cupid

I sat cross-legged on the kitchen counter; the cold marble scolded the back of my thighs, the black of the marble contrasting so strongly with the white of my body. It was the 13th of February, St Valentine’s Day was just around the corner and I just got back from one of the longest most tiring shopping sprees, a whole day spent parading the malls and boutiques of Kuwait.